When I was a teenager, I was very critical of feminism too. I was a white girl, about to grow up into a world of white privilege, and I didn’t see the point. Then, the workplace discrimination started happening, then the sexual harassment, then the assaults, then the catcalls, then the condescension from men who weren’t as smart or accomplished as me, the sports coach who was too friendly, the male mentor with other intentions, the drunk male friend who won’t leave the room after the party so you can sleep, the car horns blaring, the groping: it all started happening at about the age of fifteen. I started realising that there was a large portion of the population to whom I was as good as chattel: I was an object to be acted upon.
I also started realising that I’ve been a female misogynist my whole life, and had a lot of unlearning to do too. Change starts with eliminating the noxious parts of yourself you have internalised during socialisation in a misogynistic culture. Feminism isn’t just about stopping the abuse of women by men, it’s about stopping the abuse we do to ourselves and others by genuinely beginning to believe we deserve to be treated as less than human.”
1. When your friends ask you to hangout, and you don’t feel like it, don’t go. Don’t ever do things halfway or do something that makes you uncomfortable. With everything, give all of yourself, even the pieces you never knew existed.
2. It is okay to not know. Everyone always despises the phrase, “I don’t know” but no one tells you that it is okay to not know. The becoming is more important than the being, anyways.
3. If someone ever makes you feel less, in any way, you have every right to walk away. You have every right to cut out toxic people in your life. To close the door on people who make you feel bad about who you are or what you stand for. Friends don’t tear down, they build up.
4. Loss is always going to happen. Just like paint will always chip and rain will always fall, loss will always be part of life. No matter how much I don’t like it, or avoid it, it is going to walk my way at several times in my life. Learn to embrace it and learn to get closure.
5. Give yourself a chance. Stop saying, “I don’t think I can” or “But what if I am not able to?” and give yourself a chance. This may be cliche, but try to believe in yourself. When you get older, your knees won’t work the same and you won’t have the best memory, and you are going to wish you’d given yourself a chance years sooner.
6. Fall in love. Don’t be guarded before you fall in love. You could fall in love three times and still not find the right one, but none of it is going to make “the one” matter less. Don’t fall into that idea that your first love has to be your best love. Fall in love as many times as it naturally happens.
7. Firsts are going to be messy. First loves, first kisses, first dates, first failed tests, first college class, first time you drive a car, first time you ride a plane - first times were made to be imperfect. Just because it’s messy and all over the place, doesn’t mean it can’t be good or worthwhile.
8. You want another scoop of ice-cream? Go get it. Get three more scoops of ice-cream if that is what you want. “Fat” is not the opposite of beautiful and it is not the opposite of happy. Don’t let anyone tell you that your body type isn’t beautiful. Beauty is a social construct, create your own, become your own.
9. Let yourself be alone. Loneliness is not a bad thing. It is healthy and normal. Everyone needs to spend a good portion of their life alone. We learn who we are when we are alone; life is less crowded and more clear when we are alone.
10. If you aren’t happy where you are, change it. Quit your job, move, become a vegetarian, get a new hobby, pick up an old hobby, whatever you do - make sure it benefits you. Life is too short to not be alive, to not be passionate, and overflowing.”
relevant because I turn 20 in 7 days(via changingtroian)
Love this.(via gettingahealthybody)
It’s known as the “Bi/Pan debate”. Since the start of the gay rights movement, bisexuals have been fighting both straight and gay communities for visibility and validation. That fight has turned inwardly in the past couple of decades with the emergence of pansexuality.
Pansexual people may choose their identity over bisexuality to emphasize an attraction to those beyond the male/female gender binary.
But does this mean that bisexuals are exclusively attracted to male born masculine men and female born feminine women? No. On the surface, bi suggests an attraction to two genders: male and female. However, the binary that bisexual refers to is same (homo) and different (hetero).
Until recently, I thought the term pansexual was a copout. I thought of it as a way people could be honest about their bisexuality without being stigmatized by a word with so much negative connotation. I saw how the pansexual movement contributed to bi erasure by suggesting that the term was obsolete, and added to the stigma of being bisexual by suggesting bisexual attraction was exclusive to trans people. And it hasn’t stopped with Pansexual. There’s polysexual, multisexual, omnisexual, ambisexual, sapiosexual, fluid, and so on. The list of non-monosexual identities get’s longer all the time.
Because of this linguistic limbo, bisexuals are accused of being inherently cis-sexist in queer circles. Any bisexual activist will tell you how frustrating these accusations are, especially those in relationships with trans and genderqueer individuals.
People feel very strongly about the word ‘bisexual’. Some people have been fighting for it their whole lives, and other people see it as a complete joke. I am one of the few men I know personally who embrace the term, and that in itself is an isolating experience.
The bisexual community has adopted a definition that makes bisexual the umbrella term for all non-monosexual identities. Bisexuality is simply defined (by bisexuals) as attraction to more than one gender. All groups of people have the right to define themselves, and outsiders will always try to impose their own definitions. In the end, it is the community itself who has final say on what it is.
I would like to go one step further and suggest that bisexuality is attraction to more than one identity. While bisexual is it’s own unique orientation, it does include elements of both ‘gay’ and ‘straight’. It attempts to serve as an umbrella term for all identities that are neither gay or straight, and by that very nature it is not exclusive to any single one identity.
I recently met a wonderful pansexual identified girl. We got into the most extensive debate about bi vs pan I have ever had. I told her that what I disliked most about the word ‘pansexual’ was having to explain what it is to people who had never heard the term before. She told me that it was her favorite part! If she tells someone that she’s pansexual and they ask what that it means, that’s her invitation to educate people about the complexities of gender and sexuality. It was humbling to recognize that this was something I disliked about my own identity. Often when I tell people I am bisexual, the conversation ends right then and there. After explaining to her in great detail why I resonate with the term bisexual, she asked me “So, do you identify as queer?”
And that’s when it hit me. Even pansexual people see bisexuals as some watered down version of queer. Part queer or half queer or temporarily queer.
Guess what? Bisexuals are as queer as it gets.
Bisexuals are not only queer to straight people, they are also queer to gay people. They are queer whether they are in a same sex relationship or a different sex relationship. Bisexuals are queer when they are single or married or divorced or dead. Bisexuals are so queer that it may seem impossible for them to find each other outside of the internet. Bisexuals are queer, even when they spend their whole lives trying to be straight (or gay), which more than half of them do.
Somebody recently asked me what the difference between gay/lesbian and queer was. I told them that queer doesn’t stop at gay and lesbian. Queer is a term that represents everyone who’s gender and sexual variation has outcasted them. Queer is bi or pan, transgender, intersex, asexual, and so on. Queer encompasses everyone who differs from the norm.
A bisexual activist once told me that I shouldn’t identify as queer. I should identify as bisexual every time because the more I assert my bisexual identity specifically, the more it will be accepted.
I view that as separatism, and I reject it.
I am a queer bisexual. Some say that I am gay because I am a man who has sex with men, and that’s fine with me. I might be perceived as pansexual because I kissed a beautiful trans man last month and I am also OK with that. I sometimes feel genderqueer because I have both masculine and feminine attributes. I’m not sure if I believe that monogamy is right for me, so I guess that makes me poly-curious.
My point is this: If bisexuals want to be the umbrella term that we claim to be, we must embrace every identity choice, even if we think it contradicts our own. There are pansexual identified people who are in relationships with cisgendered people and there are bisexual identified people who are in relationships with trans people, and it isn’t anyones right to re-identify those people.
All non-monosexual people are part of the same community, and the fractioning of that community because of difference in identity is a travesty. The definitions of the various non-monosexual identities have more overlapping similarities than they do unreconcilable differences, and it should be celebrated that we have so many different ways of expressing our complexities.
It’s time that bi and pan people recognize that we are equally queer. And just because being queer makes us different from others, doesn’t mean that we’re all that different from each other.
Cameron Kude is a bisexual community advocate, aspiring filmmaker, and non-fiction writer. He has lived as a total cliché in Portland, Oregon since 2011. He can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org
YES YES YES TO ALL OF THIS
❒Single ❒Taken ✔ Unable to find love because, in addition to the fact I’m fiercely unattractive and I’m not particularly interesting nor talented, my standards have been set unrealistically high after years of mentally dating celebrities and/or fictional characters.
thank you for putting this in words
Even if your particular depression does include sadness, it’ll only be one of many other symptoms. The others might be much more painful and salient for you than the sadness is. Some people can’t sleep, others gain weight, some think constantly about death, others can’t concentrate or remember anything. Many lose interest in sex, or food, or both. Almost everyone, it seems, experiences a crushing fatigue in which your limbs feel like stone and no amount of sleep ever helps. Then there are headaches, stomachaches, and so on.
So, depression doesn’t necessarily mean sadness to us. (And a gentle reminder to non-depressed folks: being sad doesn’t mean you’re “depressed,” either.)
Depression is not sadness; it’s an illness that often, though not always, involves sadness. No amount of happy things will make a depressed person spontaneously recover, and, usually, no amount of sad things will make a well-adjusted person with good mental health suddenly develop depression. (Grief, of course, is another matter.) And sadness, on its own, does not cause suicide.
[…]People don’t kill themselves because they’re sad. They kill themselves because they have an illness that, among other things, makes them feel sad. It also makes them feel like their life is worthless, like they’re a burden to others, like death would be easier, and all the other beliefs that lead people down the path to suicide.
There is a tendency, I think, to assume that people are depressed because they are sad. A better way to look at it is that people are sad because they are depressed. That’s why, even if we could “turn that frown upside down!” and “just look on the sunny side!” for your benefit, it would do absolutely no good. The depression would still be there, but in a different form.”
Yay! Feminist Anthropology time!
Alongside drawings of bison and horses, the first painters left clues to their identity on the stone walls of caves, blowing red-brown paint through rough tubes and stenciling outlines of their palms. New analysis of ancient handprints in France and Spain suggests that most of those early artists were women.
This is a surprise, since most archaeologists have assumed it was men who had been making the cave art. One interpretation is that early humans painted animals to influence the presence and fate of real animals that they’d find on their hunt, and it’s widely accepted that it was the men who found and killed dinner.
But a new study indicates that the majority of handprints found near cave art were made by women, based on their overall size and relative lengths of their fingers.
"The assumption that most people made was it had something to do with hunting magic," Penn State archaeologist Dean Snow, who has been scrutinizing hand prints for a decade, told NBC News. The new work challenges the theory that it was mostly men, who hunted, that made those first creative marks.
Another reason we thought it was men all along? Male archeologists from modern society where gender roles are rigid and well-defined — they found the art. "[M]ale archaeologists were doing the work," Snow said, and it’s possible that ”had something to do with it.”
I added the emphasis in bold, but the “that” was already italicized in the article, and it’s probably my favorite part. I love this article, although I’m not a huge fan of the fact that it’s considered so incredibly shocking and radical to imagine that women possibly participated in society 40,000 years ago.
In other awesome feminist anthropology news: it is now somewhat accepted that the venus sculptures, rather than being depictions of female beauty by male artists, were self-portraits by women looking down at their own bodies. The paleolithic figurines lose their distorted proportions and acquire representational realism if we understand that they are self-portraits created by women looking down at their own bodies.
See also: This quote by Sandy Toksvig
When I was a student at Cambridge I remember an anthropology professor holding up a picture of a bone with 28 incisions carved in it. ‘This is often considered to be man’s first attempt at a calendar’ she explained. She paused as we dutifully wrote this down. ‘My question to you is this – what man needs to mark 28 days? I would suggest to you that this is woman’s first attempt at a calendar.’
It was a moment that changed my life. In that second I stopped to question almost everything I had been taught about the past. How often had I overlooked women’s contributions? How often had I sped past them as I learned of male achievement and men’s place in the history books? Then I read Rosalind Miles’s book The Women’s History of the World (recently republished as Who Cooked the Last Supper?) and I knew I needed to look again. History is full of fabulous females who have been systematically ignored, forgotten or simply written out of the records. They’re not all saints, they’re not all geniuses, but they do deserve remembering.
Fascinating stuff! The way we think about history has been incredibly distorted by the incredibly narrow, male centric, white-centric perspective with which past historians have viewed the world. This has not only overlooked the contributions of women, and of peoples other than white-Europeans, but frequently outright written them out of history to suite their preferred narrative.